The Almighty

Yo! was browsing for some stuff when i saw jokes abt CHUCK NORRIS!~ WTF? ah the guy who got his ass wipped by bruce lee in "La fureur du dragon" and still alive :s .. i read some of them and i pissed off my pants.. here goes

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

When Chuck does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.